Respected sources from within Anfield are indicating that the medical of the Pointy Pointy Pariah is imminent. Failing that, it will take place with the next 72 hours.

Given the clear statement from our Chairman and the ear splitting silence from our employee it seems unlikey that this info anything other than too wide of the proverbial mark.

What do you want me to say? You lot are divided. To some, Keane inspires 'he's dead to me' and to others  it's, 'he'll always have a special place in my heart'. What I do know is that some folk maintain 'platonic and adult' relationships with their exes. And others amongst us, embrace change and move on.

The source which I quoted also added that "Doc Waller was back from Switzerland." Presumably this is transfer unrelated and merely coded instruction to an International gang of in-car stereo thieves. 

PS: Oh yeah, Bob... Park Lane Nomad and I only want to help... 

I'd flog this, it may become a target for the wrong element where you're going.

This has got to be a wind up. Ooh my days...

Now pay attention, because this is comedy gold and you don't want to miss anything.

Carrying on from the recent piece on Sir Alex Ferguson's alleged public discussion of Manchester United purchasing the services of Dimitar Berbatov there has been a new and amusing development.

The Norwegians have obviously been on the receiving end of the Highland Hairdryer to which end  they have soiled themselves and promptly, er... several days later, issued a full scale apology.

But you have to believe the excuse. The quote that would stand to sink the Old Trafford Supremo was,  "We may have made a bid for Berbatov, and we have good hopes to buy him.  He has impressed for a long time..."

But Lars Morten Olsen, the reporter who wrote the piece, after being screamed at by the Old Trafford Mafia and threatened with unimaginable allsorts, has now retracted his quotes.

He has just remembered that despite being the only journalist interviewing Sir Alex at the time, the room they were in was a bit noisey and it was difficult to hear what was actually said.

"That takes the sting out of the Tottenham appeal" said Steinar Madsen, webmaster of the Scandanavian Supporters Club, sporting a new pair of trousers and liberally spraying air freshner around his office.

Well Steinar, I don't know about the sting, but that certainly takes the biscuit.

Out of balance, I will add that the same article goes on to alledge that Manchester United have a 'tape' of the interview and believe it contains nothing of any great concern to them. This allegation carries a link to The Manchester Evening News website. Which at this time contains zero reference to any such tape.

And another thing. I Harry Hotspur hereby offer Sir Alex an amnesty. Immunity from all prosecuction civil and criminal. If he can answer me this.

Who were you talking about then?  

We are waiting.

BIOYC!

Source

This has got to be a wind up. Ooh my days...

Now pay attention, because this is comedy gold and you don't want to miss anything.

Carrying on from the recent piece on Sir Alex Ferguson's alleged public discussion of Manchester United purchasing the services of Dimitar Berbatov there has been a new and amusing development.

The Norwegians have obviously been on the receiving end of the Highland Hairdryer to which end  they have soiled themselves and promptly, er... several days later, issued a full scale apology.

But you have to believe the excuse. The quote that would stand to sink the Old Trafford Supremo was,  "We may have made a bid for Berbatov, and we have good hopes to buy him.  He has impressed for a long time..."

But Lars Morten Olsen, the reporter who wrote the piece, after being screamed at by the Old Trafford Mafia and threatened with unimaginable allsorts, has now retracted his quotes.

He has just remembered that despite being the only journalist interviewing Sir Alex at the time, the room they were in was a bit noisey and it was difficult to hear what was actually said.

"That takes the sting out of the Tottenham appeal" said Steinar Madsen, webmaster of the Scandanavian Supporters Club, sporting a new pair of trousers and liberally spraying air freshner around his office.

Well Steinar, I don't know about the sting, but that certainly takes the biscuit.

Out of balance, I will add that the same article goes on to alledge that Manchester United have a 'tape' of the interview and believe it contains nothing of any great concern to them. This allegation carries a link to The Manchester Evening News website. Which at this time contains zero reference to any such tape.

And another thing. I Harry Hotspur hereby offer Sir Alex an amnesty. Immunity from all prosecuction civil and criminal. If he can answer me this.

Who were you talking about then?  

We are waiting.

BIOYC!

Source

The Grump From Goven's face is now the same colour as his nose. Only this time it isn't down the Oom Pah Pah.

I can exclusively reveal the evidence against Sir Alex.

And whilst the global media spin was spun, the most interesting activity of all was tucked away on a Norwegian web site. Everybody was looking for Neil Custis's original piece from Friday's edition of The Sun. This contained the quotes that Levy was supposedly hanging Ferguson by.

But the real story was quietly being removed from a Manchester United Supporters Club site in Norway.

The piece in question was an exclusive interview Sir Alex Ferguson gave to the editor of an officially MUFC endorsed Scandanavian Man Utd fanzine prior to the team jetting off for some preseason in South Africa.

This is, or rather was the url. http://www.united.no/united/nyheter/...berbatov_kjoep . As you can see it's been removed. UPDATE: Try this: http://209.85.141.104/search?q=cache:KL0KEpYMF7YJ:www.united.no/united/nyheter/nyheter/tror_paa_berbatov_kjoep+www.united.no/united/nyheter/nyheter/tror_paa_berbatov_kjoep&hl=da&ct=clnk&cd=1&gl=dk

Fortunately I managed to get a translated copy the text from a Nowegian Man Utd fan posting on a Man Utd forum. 

- "We have submitted a bid for Bebatov, and we're optimistic about the prospect of signing him. He's impressed over a long period of time and would make a good addition to the squad", SAF says.

He admits that he would love to bring Berbatov to the pre-season tour to RSA, but says that the clubs is in no rush.

- "We're in no rush and are hopeful to stage constructive negotiations with Tottenham soon."

Ironically, the translated piece concludes with...

Asked about Ronaldo, he didn't want to say much apart from "dealing with the matter it in a correct way".

So that's what I have. Presumption I am told is the mother of all fuck ups, but I guess Levy has this and presumably more. There's a whisper he has much, but what I know not - and it's pointless speculating.  

The case against Liverpool is more straightforward. Their Premier League rule flouting halfwit stood on chair,  on SSN, shouting into a loudhailer, 'I am Rafa Benitez, footballer manager and I much like to buy Robbie Keane. Is not rat. Is hamster."

Well this is what they meant by the sum of all fears, eh?

It was true all along. Berbatov was only ever marking time in our shirt and was 100% complicit with his whoring skid mark of an agent.

The real sucker punch in all this of course is Keane. As has been said, it's an emtional business. Emotionally, Bob has bailed on us. When we are told that Pointy Shouty Bloke has become a negative influence in the dressing room it is time to unceremoniously kick the little knacker into touch. 

And don't come a callin' with some lament involving 100 goals and years of good service. According to Paul Simon there are 50 ways to leave your lover. None of which at the last count included scuttling around in shadows being tapped up by Steven Gerrard. Keane was this and he was that. But ultimately history will judge him as a low rent weasel.

Levy's intended pursuit of the Grump from Goven and the Bindipping Mariachi is only to be applauded. What it will achieve lies with the Premier League. There are clear rules of conduct and there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that both Liverpool and Manchester United have deliberately  and repeatedly broken these rules.

Of course, the brain surgeons are out in force. I'm referring to Levy's critics. Spurs Odious are calling his statement  'an admission of defeat'. Did they learn you much in Clown School?

Levy has ceaselessly and intelligently led this Club from the front. The allegations of quick buck making didn't get anywhere and now when he exhibits more bite and more class, you opt not to salute but instead seize the chance to whine on about 'inflated season ticket prices'.

Do you know what? Go buy yourself some fucking Premium Bonds. Odds are they won't depreciate and they won't let you down. And it'll keep you out of my hair.

The mess we find ourselves cast in is not remotely of our making. An incredible strike partnership has decided to disown us. What is required now then is wit, determination and a desire to not only make good collateral damage but regenerate. Unlike the shiftless chancers we occasionally employ, Levy's commitment has never been absent.

Levy has just what is required in spades. Back him and you back those who truly want to wear the badge.